Jealousy

Hahahaha...what a foolish, I'm jealous now. It's like a part of Ai Yori Aoshi episode. When Kaoru friend, Tina Foster come back. She so close with him. Contrary with Aoi, she only know Kaoru when they was a child. Huff, somehow I fell the same situation. She is so close with him, since highschool they are in same class. So they more know each other. Me? Just knew him a little bit.

Hey btw maybe I makes a 'little' distance now. Don't ask me why but, my mind is like confuse of something. I have a resposible now, makes a final task for my graduate. And I'm scare of what to do after that. Be responsible of your self. Acctually what I'm very scare of is communication. Yes, I'm lack of communication technic. People who know me say I'm a quit person and somehow a loner. This part of my weakness is more realize by me when I do my 2 month of apprentice. Well, it's not my long time job, but still. I imagine if I get a real job and face the world and people, what I'm gonna do? . I'm so difficult to get a new friend. Well it's okay if we not have many friend but a many networking. People who can makes our live better. And some close friend to spare same interest and get fun together. Heff... What a stupid person am I. Oh yeah, I think I must meet my old friend. Lately, I'm rarely to meet them btw.

Damn... I think I wanna cry know, but for what? It's doesn't makes change to anything.
I just scare that I can't do this alone. Makes thing right by my self. I can't do it.

Well, sometimes I ask myself for what I'm here. For what I'm being born. What are my goal. My meaning of lives. You know the best human is useful for other people. But what can I do to be useful for other people? I don't know, I still cannot find it clearly.


Upss...maybe I talked a lot, typed acctually, haha. Well, have to go now.